My Mother and Her Red Lipstick

 

Role Models

Definitions abound for role model, but I like, “A person whose behavior, example, or success is, or can be emulated by others, especially by younger people.” (Dictionary.com) The latter part of this definition is significant, for being a role model requires taking responsibility to emulate influence in a relationship.

 

When I grew up, rarely did I hear the words, role model, yet special women in my life were just that – roles models, my mother, several aunts, a few nurses, and teachers. Good people who taught and cared about me, but maybe not with deliberate intentionality all the time. I absorbed their special traits or behaviors by osmosis – permeating my very being without conscious knowledge of what was happening to me.

 

Potato salad and lipstick

Why do I drizzle bacon grease over boiled potatoes for potato salad and then stir in Hellman’s mayonnaise (only Hellman’s), because my mother did. I have never deviated from her recipe. For decades, I appreciated the compliments and gave my mother the credit.

 

Mother modeled resilience after growing up during the Depression with very few possessions. She and her sister went door-to-door with a wagon selling bread and soup her mother made. My grandmother, whom I never knew, re-wrapped discarded toys for Christmas presents, because there was simply no money for new ones for her large family.

 

My mother’s frugalness came from having so extraordinarily little. The tip of Mother’s little finger frequently was coated with red lipstick, because she used the tube until every last bit of color was gone. She did not have to do this, because my father provided a wonderfully comfortable life for our family. Nor did Mother have a lot of clothes – a few house dresses for cleaning and gardening, several casual pant suits, and a more stylish dress for church.

 

She did not shower my brother and me with clothes or toys. But, instead, we went camping and took road trips. In senior high, I wore the same skirt several times a week and alternated sweaters, but we all did back then. I was thrilled to receive a pair of ice skates and a few Trixie Beldon books for Christmas when I was a young teen.

 

Despite a few bigger ticket items that my husband and I afforded for our family’s collective enjoyment, we did not shower our children with clothes and toys, but provided experiences that they would remember—picnics, skiing, sailing, and activities with friends and family.

 

All my clothes fit in one small section of a shared closet with my husband. I own little jewelry and frequently wear two favorite blouses. Can I afford more, yes, but less is okay. Unless I have a spare, I too, use my little finger to dig into my lipstick tube!

 

Move on and lead

Mother also exuded courage, despite her medical challenges. She showed me that no matter what the setback, endure and move forward. She showed emotional intelligence with her inherent leadership skills.

 

There was no group experience or circumstance that she could not organize, despite having had no prior educational preparation. She intuitively knew what people needed, even though they might not have known their own personal or collective needs. And she was a prayer warrior.

 

Did my mother embarrass me, when at a school event, she pulled people out of their chairs to participate in square dancing, yes; did I vow never do that, yes. Decades later, I emulated my mother’s leadership qualities in my community, in nursing, and in church, and I was known to diplomatically “twist arms” for participation!

 

Mother transformed a small elementary school in our new town of Oaks, PA, after we moved from Philadelphia in the early 1950’s. She conscripted people to paint a corner of the school’s spacious basement for a library. Up until then, the teachers used bookshelves in their rooms where they taught two grades in our four-room school building. She initiated May Day celebrations, teas, and square dances, and organized events for the youth in our church like camping trips to the shore. She asked an artist in the church to create paper machete animal heads for a parade.

 

Conclusion

Have I organized a few things in my life, yes — beyond a few! Maybe there is a genetic component, but I have emulated her courage to try new things in my home and work life. Despite my mother’s emotional trials of living through the Depression, she rose above and excelled —not to impact the greater world, but a small town where she grew and thrived.

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She never lived long enough to see the extent of how her role modeling helped me as I achieved in my profession and organized most everything I touched, for she died at the age of 62. So, on this Mother’s Day, 2025, I thank-you, Mother. Your legacy lives on in my life. You were dearly loved.

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By: Lynda Stoy Stear © May 6, 2025

Photo: Pixabay (TraceGem)